I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Enjoy the penises
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
