i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
