It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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