I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
