the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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