he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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