She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
