I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
