Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
