Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
