I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
