I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
