I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
