her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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