sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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