oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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