i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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