yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
