Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
