oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
