Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
