We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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