The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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