He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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