Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We left the knife in your bed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
