im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
