I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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