i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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