everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
