some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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