I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
