i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
