Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
