guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you traded sex for a burrito?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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