Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We got so high we made milksteak
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
