i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
