Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
