My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
