Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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