dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
