Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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