party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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