covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sext me about skeletons
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
