Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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