You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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