Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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