Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
