bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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