This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
