Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
