You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
