Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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