I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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