i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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