Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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