A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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