Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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